In the second week of April 2009 I attended my six (actually seven) month appointments with an ENT consultant and a vestibular physiotherapist.
The ENT consultant was the original one I saw when I was at my very worst, back in September 2008.
The last time he had seen me, I had been pushed in on a wheelchair and could barely move my head in any direction. This time, I walked in and my head had regained its ability to move around freely without immense vertigo and motion sickness. He seemed genuinely pleased for me.
He said it was excellent that I had managed to come off the travel sickness medication in December, and that I could try stopping the migraine medication too, as it is usual to do so after six months if improvement has been seen.
If the symptoms start to get worse again, I can see a GP to get back on the migraine medication and the travel sickness medication. Hopefully they will work as they did this time around. If not, I can ask a GP to refer me again to the hospital. Also hopefully, it wouldn’t take as long to get an appointment as it did the first time around.
For many years I thought I had BPPV. Maybe I did have that at some stage, but I don’t think it was the real problem for most of the time. When I specifically asked, he said that what I have is probably migraine associated vertigo, given the evidence so far.
He was very open and rational about it, and while I deeply respect that, it does mean that I don’t get any of the false sense of security that comes from believing that your doctor is an infallible god who knows exactly what is wrong with you and exactly what to do to make you better. But I think that on the whole, I have the better deal. To paraphrase a great person or two, I would rather know the truth and deal with the world as it is, than persist in delusions, no matter how comforting they may be. Maybe that is the definition of being a real idiot! Fancy wanting to put up with depressing shit instead of blissful ignorance! Ah, but facts, skepticism and imagination can reveal wonderful, marvellous truths about the universe, which are a greater source of comfort and joy than any lie or tissue of lies could ever be. Unless you were really, really good at lying to yourself and had a very fertile imagination. In which case, there’s not so much in it, but do be aware that you owe a lot to science including not dying at a young age due to disease, having a longer lifespan and the various items of technology which you now enjoy and take for granted.
I had an exam looming in April, which I was not willing to jeopardise as it was already deferred from last year due to the illness. So I didn’t try stopping the meds at that point, just in case I got worse and missed the exam.
The exam is now over, and I have an appointment with a GP to discuss, amongst other things, what I should do about all the headaches I get. I’ll wait to see what the result of that is, and then decide whether to stop the migraine meds.
Incidentally, this is medication about which the ENT consultant said “To be honest, you were on such a low dosage, it’s debatable whether it actually had any physical effect”.
So there we are! The medicine may or may not have worked. I may or may not get worse again. I may or may not get totally better. I may or may not have migraine associated vertigo.
Life is full of uncertainties. For humans, that can be hard to deal with emotionally. But it’s just the way the world is, and the sooner you can mentally adjust to it, the easier and happier your life becomes.
We’re scum on the side of a rock in an uncaring universe.
Some things you can control. Some things – most things – you cannot control. And yet, within these tight constraints, we are capable of a lot.
I filled in the same questionnaire I’d filled in last December when I saw the vestibular physiotherapist. This time I scored below 40, so apparently I’m now normal.
I’m not normal, of course, but that’s the nature of questionnaires. I still have vertigo and motion sickness from time to time. It’s something I have to live with. Just the other night I was not feeling well with it. I had a headache, nausea and constant rocking and jerking sensations despite not moving. I lay down on my bed and waited for it to abate. It didn’t look as though it was going anywhere, and I started to feel alarmed. What if this is the beginning of a really bad patch again…
Thankfully this time it did abate after taking travel sickness medication, nurofen and having a night’s sleep.
